This is a strange day for me, and not to take anything away from all the great Mothers out there, to all of you, I hope it is happy!!
For me, not so much. I am feeling very sad and melancholy today, and I am missing my Mother terribly. I have had a few Mothers days without her, but for some reason, this one is especially hard, and I can't explain it, nor can I figure it out.
As I'm writing this, I have tears streaming down my face, and I figured I'd put on my mp3 player to try to drown out my thoughts and just write, but the very first song that came on was Mariah Carey, One Sweet Day. Now, if you don't know the song, go to youtube and listen to it, you will see why I sit here crying.
How ironic that "That" song came on? What are the odds out of all the songs that I have on there? It is almost like I should take some comfort in it, but I am not. It only makes me sadder. And I know I should think that my Mom had a hand in that.
My Mom and I always had a very close relationship, once I got out of my teen years, and we saw each other almost daily. She was like my best friend. Then my Dad died....
That changed a lot of things. I worshiped my Dad, and was totally devastated when he passed away suddenly. I fell into a deep depression, and was very hard to reach, even for my Mom, but one of the biggest reasons that I was unreachable was the way she handled my Dad's death. See, she wasn't as devastated as I was, and certain things happened that I didn't agree with, and my Mom and I drifted apart. I was very angry with her. She also told me to "get over it" meaning my Dad's death, and she didn't think I should still be affected by it months later.
Well, I can tell you that it has been years, and I am still not "over" it, and I don't suppose I ever will be. But the thing that hurt most, was my Mother didn't comfort me, or even feel the same way, she just seemed happy, and that hurt me, and made it difficult for me to be around her much.
As the first year of my Dad's death was coming to a close, we had overcome our differences (well, not really, I just put my feelings aside, as usual) and were back to spending time together, and then she died suddenly of a massive heart attack.
We never really made up, we never really regained that closeness that we had, and I never told her that I forgave her.
There is so much left unsaid between me and both of my parents, and it eats at me every single day. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of them and miss them both.
So, as I sit here today with regrets....please, if you still have your parents with you, hug them, tell them how much you love them, and cherish every single second you have with them. I didn't and still think about it. My heart just hurts.
On this Mother's day, Two bright lights in my life, my own daughter and my grandson took me out to breakfast for Mother's Day, so I had to put on the happy face, and act all happy, even though inside, I was so very sad. But I couldn't bring them down. They both still have their Mother. So this holiday to them is a happy one.
I hope it gets easier as the years and holidays go by, but somehow, I think that if it hasn't yet, it won't.
Till Next Time,