Grief, Loss and the Police...

Today I attended the funeral service for the mother of a very dear friend of mine, which in turn brought up so many hard memories for me.

My friend is a rock, she was wonderful, I don't know if it was an act, or she was surpressing her feelings, but I wish I was in that place....

I'm still not, and this seemed harder on me than it was for her?

Like I said, it brought up all those hidden feelings that I mostly keep burried deep inside, and don't let out for fear that the sobs will come again, and I won't be able to stop.

The last funeral service that I attended was for my Dad, and this brought all those memories back again. It was hard for me to be there, but I wouldn't have been anywhere else, than there showing my support for my friend....

No matter how hard it was for me.

Now, on the way home, I had to pass the entrance to the National Cemetary where my Dad is burried, and I felt like I had to go, even though I haven't been in a while.

If you know these National Cemetaries, you know that there are vast amounts of markers across the land, all flat with no definition....

As I pulled up to where I park on the circular road, I was puzzled as to where my Dad's grave was? It wasn't because I don't know....just that there are so many piled into this one area of land, and this land is completely covered in snow!!

I can't see anything but white!

I realize without even getting out of my truck, that I will never find my Dad's marker in all this snow!! I know the general area of where he is.....

But, when I have gone before, I still have to look around a bit before I find his marker.

I feel so lost............

I feel so alone............

I want to get out and go down the hill and over to the trees and walk upwards like normal, but there is snow and ice everywhere and I know that even if I did get down the hill without falling, I would have to scrape the snow away in many different areas before I find the one I am looking for.....

I just sit and cry.........

I fully expect a warmth to enfold me, to let me know it is alright....

But it never comes........

I just feel cold.......

And sad........

I don't know how long I sat there, but I realize that I will not be able to visit his grave today. I am thinking things to him in my mind, and hoping he hears me?

I blow a kiss in the general direction of his grave.....curse the snow, and drive away.

I am crying on the ride home.....this has been an emotional day for me....

And then I get pulled over for speeding.....

Didn't even realize that I was?

But I was.

I wasn't paying attention to my speed, and only when I saw the patrol car, did I look down and say "awwwww Sh*t" And then the blue lights came on.

I didn't hesitate....just pulled over, I knew it was me that he wanted....

Why not?

Nothing else is going right.....

I reached for my purse to get my license, and had it ready for him as he cautiously approached my window. Then I reached for the glovebox to get the registration. I had read that you should wait for them, so they don't think you are reaching for a weapon, or hiding something. (neither of which I would do)

He tells me that he has me doing 56 mph in a 40....

I have nothing to say but "okay"

I know that I am wrong....

Great news....this ticket will be through the roof!!!

Again, why not?

He takes my license and registration and says he will be right back.......

I just sit there thinking what a dope I am....

How did I let my emotions get the best of me?

Why wasn't I paying better attention?

At least I always wear my seatbelt, so I won't get written up for that!

He comes back, and says that he is giving me a written warning, and "try to slow down Ma'am"

Serious?

I just nod, because now the tears are rolling down my cheeks again, and I wonder how I got out of that?

I pull away, and only when I get home do I look at the warning, and see that he has put that I was doing 49 in a 40, so that justifies the warning instead of giving me the ticket that I deserved.

Sometimes you just have to wonder what is watching over you?

Was it because I was co-operative?

Was it because I was quiet?

Was it because I had been crying?

Was it because I was agreeable?

Or was it something else???

Till Next Time,

Take care,

Kat

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Web Hosting Made Simple

Someone recently asked me about web hosting, and who do I use and how did I pick that provider? Well, the answer is simple, I did my research with the best possible information that I could find on the web!

I am one to always compare lots of information before making my choice, and this site is the best at offering all kinds of information to compare. There is the price comparison, and the hosting capabilities, as well as the performance of the hosting company. Then there is also the more techie things to consider, like bandwidth and photo sharing, etc.

What I like most and spend the most time looking at are the customer reviews that are listed, you really can find so much information from reading what the average Joe has to say about a company, rather than to read in a magazine what the said company wants you to know. These customer reviews are written by people like you or me, and offer valid points to consider when making a choice of a web hosting company. I like the fact that you can find out that the company that is offering a year of hosting for $3.99 a month, has lousy customer service and that they are down a lot of the time, meaning your site is also down, and you can't get someone on the phone to help you!! In essence, the price value isn't worth the aggravation. This is a wonderful place to find out how the average user's needs were met, or not, and really can help you make an informed decision when choosing a web hosting company.

Best of luck!
I hope you found this helpful!
Take care,
Kat

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Big Snow is Coming!!!

We are supposed to get a major snowstorm tomorrow, with loads of snow, and winds up to 60 mph!!!

I am not looking forward to it!

There will be power outages for sure!

I hope I am not in the area of the power outages........

Anyway....let's hope it misses us here on the Cape, and heads off to sea??
Wouldn't that be nice??

Take care everyone!!
Kat

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I have to appologize!

First of all, let me start by saying that I am sorry that I have not been posting much lately....

I am so frustrated with my computer and my internet connection, nothing has gone right since around September of last year...I think it was???

So, I got this brand new computer the end of October and nothing has worked right since. I am really tired of losing stories and posts, because this thing keeps crashing. It has sort of taken the wind out of my sails....

As most of you know, this is so not like me?
I used to post every single day, sometimes more than once a day, and I loved it!
I actually looked forward to posting and telling my stories or giving my two cents worth.....
But it seems like now, when I have something that I want to share, and I go to put down on here, I lose it and have to re-type it again and again, and finally, I just give up and say the hell with it!

I am practically on a first name basis with the Verizon techs, and that in itself is frustrating. So, last night after another frustrating phone call to the computer people, they tell me that they are "not" sending me a new internet card, also known as a network adapter card, that I have to take it to the Geek Squad at Best Buy where I bought it and they will fix it, because it is under warranty!! Now why the heck didn't they tell me that 3 months ago, instead of all this passing the buck, it's not us, call your internet provider....ohhhh it's not us, call your computer company.....nope, not us, call your internet provider and have them check the lines, ok, we checked.....not us, call your computer company.....and so on, and so on......

So, to get back to the story....I take this thing into Best Buy after work, they run a diagnostics test on it....and tell me that I have lousy antivirus software, and that the software detected 333 virus' 2 weeks after I bought it, but only removed 2....so....that is probably why my internet connection fails all the time?? What>>??? Are you serious???

He says the card is good, and he is on the internet now with no problem....so it is the virus' in the computer....and it will $189.00 for them to remove them, and oh yeah, I'll have to leave my computer there and they will get to it when they can.
Yeah right.........
But the good news is.....that $189 is a special they are running, it's usually $250.00!! Still not an option for me. He says the only thing I can do is wipe the hard drive and start from scratch.

Okay, how many times have I done this already?? Geeeeez Louise!!! So I tell him I will take my sorry ass computer home and do that, and install Kapersky anti virus.
Right now I am scanning with Avast to see if they can detect the other 331 virus' that are supposedly still on this machine. I asked him if I could just install the Kapersky and have that locate and remove the virus'...and he cocked his head at me and gave me a smirk and said "that would be like getting a flu shot after you got the flu.....it won't help"
Do you even know how badly I wanted to wipe that smirk off his face?? Arrrghhhh!

So, here I sit, waiting for my scan to go through, and hoping I can do that before having to wipe everything out......

Again, I am sorry, and I hate the fact that this has robbed me of my inspiration to write or do much of anything on here. The magazine has suffered because I cannot maintain it like I should. But then again, there weren't really many articles coming in around the holidays, so it didn't matter. I just feel deflated.........

And I don't like it..........

I'm going to post now, before my connection goes off......

Thank you for sticking with me, and hopefully I will be back full time soon!!

Love you and miss you!
Kat

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